What I Really Need Right Now: Work, Time, Marriage and Myself

Man sitting alone on a couch at night looking through the window, reflecting on life in a dimly lit apartment

What Do I Really Need?

I’ve been thinking about what I actually need to feel a bit better, happier. There are a lot of things on my mind: a better job, more money, more time for myself, more intimacy, and maybe a proper vacation.

What Do I Need From My Job?

Considering that I’m currently working part-time, getting a full-time position at my company would already make a big difference. It would improve my situation and increase my salary.

For now, that’s all I really need, just something to help me move forward.

What Do I Need From Time and Vacation?

This one is harder to answer.

It’s obvious that I need time for myself and a vacation that actually feels like one. But the reality is different. About 60% of my vacation days are not really mine. I’ll be spending them at home, alone with my kid, while my wife focuses on her studies, miles away from us.

In total, I have five days out of 31 that I can truly call my own.

We’ll have one week together, which is good, but still, it feels like “me time” doesn’t really exist anymore.

I’ve gained weight again. I’d love to go jogging, even just in the evenings. I’d love to feel better in my own body again, to feel like myself… but right now, that feels far away.

What About Intimacy?

This is a difficult one.

We used to enjoy each other more, we experimented, we played, we both took initiative. We talked, we explored, we spent time together. It wasn’t just physical, it was connection.

Yes, we didn’t have a child back then. But I was also working more, and longer hours.

Still, I miss that part of our life. I’d be happier if we could bring even a small piece of that back.

Right now, I feel like I’m the only one trying and that’s exhausting.

Bottom Line

I think I miss the place where we lived before moving to Germany.

It wasn’t perfect, but it had its own kind of magic. Life felt… lighter.

Maybe things will settle eventually. But until then, this is my reality, living with what I have, and remembering what I’ve lost, and what I still need.